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GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE December 18, 1992
Think about This
We Need Your Help
as we structure a chemical dependency treatment program to serve the gay, lesbian and bi-sexual community.
We Need Your Input
if you are in recovery, struggling with chemical dependency, providing behavioral health therapy or simply love & support a chemically dependent person.
Please Call Us
with your questions,
with
your input,
or for more information,
at 476-0222.
Ask For Randy Goodman.
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Health Sources
Glenbeigh Health Sources Outpatient Services of Beachwood and Martha Webb, L.P.C., C.C.D.C, III
MICHELE
SM
Beautify Your Pet For The Holidays Gift Certificates Available
by Mike Radice
What types of children do queers create?
About two years ago a precedent-setting Ohio Supreme Court case, concerning the adoption of a boy by a Columbus gay couple, made the news. It brought to the surface a closet-full of issues and misinformation about the parenting abilities of gays and lesbians. The case was resolved in favor of the couple, allowing them to adopt the child. However, the process was long and ugly.
Undoubtedly many of you have had to answer to myths surrounding your ability to parent, and have been denied custody of your children. I have also heard stories about adoption agencies denying your applications. Cancerous misinformation about queer parents has been unquestionably accepted by judges and social workers, and has been used to deny lesbians and gays their parental rights. To help you reclaim your right to parent, this column will endeavor to arm you with information on what is known about lesbian and gay parenting skills, and what types of kids queers create. Be ready for a few surprises.
The professional research on the topic is very clear. The mental health of children parented by “openly queer” parents, as compared to those of "openly heterosexual" parents, is equally good (if not better). "Openly queer" describes those parents who informed their children about their sexual orientation, and both communicated and demonstrated feeling happy and secure as gay or lesbian people. Not only were the "queer parented" children as mentally healthy as the "hetero parented" children, some were also reported as being more self-reliant and more accepting of diversity.
There was one group of queer parents who created kids with mental health difficulties. The parents who felt guilt, fear, and distress over being queer reported that their children experienced psychological and emotional difficulties.
These facts should come as no surprise
to most of you. The professional literature on parenting has been decisive about "what constitutes a good parent" for many years. People of different skin colors, sexual orientations, income levels, levels of education, religious beliefs, etc., can all produce competent and happy kids.
What creates a good kid is based more on your style and methods of parenting and the quality of your own self image. Granted, kids come in with their own bag of tricks. Back in the old days, when I thought I was a heterosexual, I was the parent of a stepson. My "ex" and I did everything we could to create an androgynous, nonviolent, kid. In addition to buying him blocks and trucks (no weapons), we bought him things like dolls and a play vacuum cleaner. We used non-sexist language when talking to him, taught him how to spell women using a y, took him to a female pediatrician, and took him to African-American cultural events. None of that seemed to matter to him. He made a gun out of the vacuum cleaner, and insisted that we were spelling womyn incorrectly. So, yes, kids do have some control over who they are. But, by and large, you have quite a bit of influence over the steering wheel.
The one trait that you clearly have no parental control over is your child's sexual orientation. My review of the professional literature on the subject, as well as another conducted by the New York Times, found no evidence that you create "mini queers" either consciously or genetically. It is a myth that queer parents create queer kids.
So, if you want happy and secure kids, provide them with a warm, structured, and consistent environment. Be sure to communicate your pride about who you are, and bite your tongue when your daughter wants to wear a frilly dress, or your son doesn't want to play the flute. If you want kids, have them. The evidence is clear that queers can produce great kids.
Next: How to come out to your children.
Mike Radice has a private psychological practice specializing in children and youth.
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FOOD CO.OP
Food for People not for Profit
11702 Euclid Avenue Cleveland Ohio 44106 (216) 791-3890
A full line natural foods grocery in University Circle.
You can do all your shopping at the Co-op, from fresh organic produce and free-range chicken to bulk herbs and spices. Featuring a whole foods deli with fresh prepared salads, sandwiches, and entrees and many vegetarian, low-fat and sugar-free alternative foods.
Consumer owned.
No work requirement!
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Open 7 days.
Flamingo Productions Antiques & Art Gallery "Promoting Womyn's Music"
2924 Bridge Ave (Corner of Bridge & W. 30th) Shop Hours: Mon, Tues, Thurs 6-9 pm Sunday 2-6 pm
(Go Around to back of building)
Bonnie Nolan
Office: 861-5916